went to another party last night. it was really, really weird to walk into someone's house and hear 'Hey, you want a beer?' didn't drink too much, but Björn got wasted, and Marvin was crawling up the stairs or lying under the table with the dog (literally). good times. i had a very lucid conversation with a drunk girl giving my completely honest outlook on life, it was emotionally uplifting to talk to someone who won't remember what i said.

then...the night got weird. they ended up outside doing Shisha, (not sure if i spelt that right, but they explained it as like tobacco) and i, not subscribing to peer pressure, was lying on the floor (after legit not falling), staring at the ceiling and talking to the dog. i love dogs. great listeners, dogs.

i realize now just what i'm going back home to. here in Germany, people actually know who i am. you say my name, or 'the canadian', or see me thumbs up, and you know it's me. here, i party and hang out with friends. i walk around the village, which is serene in the setting sun. but in Canada, i sit in the basement, watching movies and listening to music, hanging out online with my friends. the parties i go to are in a basement also, where we drink pop, play pool, and talk. don't get me wrong, they're fun, just...not this much fun. 

but now, seeing in Germany what i am or could be, will i really be able to go back to Canada and be myself again? is that myself? honestly, last night i tried to define my personality, and it was like looking into a skein. not really sure what's where, what's important to me, what i even like or want to do with myself...who am i?

these are the questions i ask myself when i've been drinking. i don't ask myself this without drinks because i know i might not like the answers.

to my friends in Ardrossan - i have only just realized that i really have little holding me to Facey after this exchange. if it clears my mother and the school system, i might be coming back.

to my friends at Facey - i have only just realized i like Ardrossan more than i thought i did. if it clears my mother and the school system, i might by leaving.

long live PURE MATH!!

i was going to post last night, but i got in at 2, just really didn't feel like it.

but here it is,

and this is it.

bis später!